Thursday, June 20, 2013

How many times do you cry in a year

I do not know how this will turn out. But I guess my feeling would help because I 'm a tad bit on the low. This is unusual to me. Maybe it's adjustment, coping, oh I still don't get how I will rationalize the situation I'm with. But anyway, let's get it on.

How many times do you cry in a year?

Yes, in a a year. I don't count mine though, but I reckon in the past year I shed a lot of tears. I've never been that low in my life.
When do I usually feel blue?

  •  Every late December - January. Funny no? Because the year comes to an end, so thus my feelings. All the blame goes to me. The time where I break rules at most, like the time I would have gone home but still outside, and a lot more I couldn't think of anymore, because it's a break from school. "Wala namang pasok e. Di pa rin pwede lumabas?" Time where I wouldn't sleep and just cry. They trigger my emotion. Then I would rearrange the room with ineffable frustration, asking WHY THE HELL AM I CRYING. I would be okay, but in the morning and the days to follow, I feel out. I won't talk. Besides we don't usually have conversations. I do the same things, house chores, and stay in the room. 
  • MY birthday. I give myself birthday blues every time. I plan how I would want my birthday to be celebrated months/days before, 'expect' is the word then. I don't throw a party. Never in my life. Maybe, except for one. Small celebration with my high school batch and few teachers during our third year. I almost always ditch my birthDAY. When the morning come, and I wake up, tears would come down. Because it would be like any ordinary day. I like to think like that. No extras for myself. No extra allowance, nothing new. I don't even want a birthday cake. Of course, they will remember so they'll cook spaghetti or pancit, and greet me. I appreciate it. I don't know what I want. Maybe an intimate celebration where everyone is happy and all smiles. I do not get any of it though. So I sulk during my day. A sad lonely girl.
Would you think I only cry twice a year? Maybe. Those will be counted my major breakdown. I do cry when I reminisce, when I'm feeling low of the uncertain, some prophetic message to come after, when I watch a movie/teleserve/series and the feels. 

This is lengthy. Have I made myself clear? Did I bring the message I want to share? I'm out of vocabs. Huhu

Well, if it isn't clear.

We cry because we love. We cry because we need to let go, we need to air out, and we need to move on. We cry because we need to be anew. We cry to excrete whatever it is that need to excreted on our tear duct. We cry because we are hurt. We cry because we are very happy. We cry for uncertain, certain, wanted, and wanted reasons.