Friday, December 23, 2011

Love in Cyberspace

The long overdue post now posted! You may just focus on the italics or highlighted.

*Facebook beep... Nokia power on by Mela Sison "te-ne-ne-ne-nen"... just imagine the sound. I stalked a campus crush. I added him on facebook, in Y!M, followed him on twitter, and if he has formspring, I'll ask unanimously. He's really good looking. I wish that I can talk to him personally. Love in cyberspace, even love is spread online. I can ultimately feel belonged and he noticed me every time I asked. I can pretend here, no one will know what my true obsessions are unless the crazy thing happen that sometime I will see him. Maybe, we'll bump into each other and smile. Oh damn! My books had fell, neither him or I did not notice. Whatever, I'm mesmerized by him. And the real thing happen, love...

Let's put this in my perspective. I will not deny that receiving messages or chatting with my crush makes me feel giddy. There, online, we can talk about anything. Emotions were involved but who will see our facial expressions, our gestures, the body languages, the smiles, and funny, exhausted faces exchanged that could be soon done face-to-face. Momentarily, these feelings were enough to say that I am in love with this person. I have a huge crush on him. But in cyberspace, what are these feelings? Every statement  that can be exchanged, some of them includes lies. It does not matter what one says, unless each has given a significant proof that what we are conversing are much truer now. The excitement I felt every time he replies to me was always that of looking forward to seeing him. Rarely, it would happen and feelings of attachment would somehow hide in between. What am I really looking and expecting to happen?

Waiting really counts. But then waiting can either drain away the feeling or as what the favorite quote says "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Longing to that person makes me think what my true feelings are on that person. Love, as experienced differently by each person gives multiple meaning to every person who experiences it. For me, what matters is how that person interact not just with me when I am with him but also when I am not around and with other people. Nowadays, couples communicate mostly via text messaging, online status, the social networking sites. Though, these were convenient ways, the cyberspace, it can be updated all the time, somehow it covers the exact emotions of that person. Merely through this, we can compromise.

I'm getting off topic. Love in cyperspace. cyberspace, cyberspace. It starts with a chat, instant message, message, and wall posts and tweets. Yes, we have met but then we have studies to attend to, family, and we live a bit far away from each other. When we meet again, oblivious could happen. It is like starting all over again. The cyberspace is where my dream and the reality is my reality. It is phenomenal because on that moment my dreams came true. As I was writing, I thought of the song, From this moment. I am not familiar with the lyrics but I am trying. The wetness of the area, the sudden heat and blinding light of the sun a bit behind the clouds made my mind wonder.  So I am going back to the amphitheater, writing again and finishing this.

I could not get any deeper. I haven't made a decision about love for  along time. I am longing for it, I pray it will find me now. What I know is that there are different types of love. Not the usual puppy and real love definition. One, the person who makes you feel happy. Second, the person who you are confident to share with anything, whatever it is. Third and most inevitable part of all, is when you just know it is and it falls away from you, your world might break down and you wake to another reality again.